Ooohhhh.....betcha can't wait to read this one :) With a title like that, it's gotta be juicy! Well, hold the phone. It's not that much of an epiphany; yet a bit of sadness mixed with overwhelming happiness that maybe I can pull off what few parents/mothers have pulled of before me.
It's sort of come to me over bits and pieces the past couple of weeks; but was solidify by a comment made to my husband; email I sent to a VERY dear friend that I found again on Facebook (great to see you again, Akers) and a passing statement by my best friend's and her desired college that she hopes her 17 month old will one day attend.........
It's amazing that we live each time in our lives thinking we know exactly what we want and what makes us happy and then YEARS only YEARS later do we actually achieve that sort of clarity. Yes, I am about to say it......my mother was right!!! the best years of my life were yet to come.....it didn't seem such when I lost a boyfriend in high school or the one in college that I thought I would marry, or when I wasn't selected for something I tried out for or didn't get into a college I thought that was made for me; but she was right........for I am now 35 with the most amazing insight that I never would have truly appreciated at 16, 17 or hell, even 21 :)
Why sadness mixed with happiness you say, well, because even in a mother's infinite wisdom of making such a statement, and allowing you to develop into your own self and have your own life experiences.....every mother and I mean EVERY mother still holds secret dreams and hopes for their child that they won't have to experience all of the sad parts to get to the good parts and yes, maybe one day, despite what she thinks, your daughter will go to Notre Dame even though every ounce of her is a Southern girl born and bred (had to do it my love ;) KHP)
My mother's secret dream and wish, you ask.......it's twofold......that I be more independent and self sufficient that the period in which she was raised allowed her to be (anyone that knows me can tell you that one was accomplished).........two.......to be a doctor....a pediatrician because of my love of children. Here's where the late found clarity comes it......I figured out that would be something I would love when I was pregnant with number 2 and already settled into a career that paid me well; and for all intents and purposes; I enjoyed more than I hated :)
Here's the but...........had I listened to both parts of that dream, I know I would not have met my husband and would not have the 2 most beautiful (yes, I am partial) daughters in the world........so even though I will not tell my daughters until years later because this message would be lost on a 5 1/2 year old and 2 1/2 year old......subjective listening is ok :) especially when you use your heart. So, I hope I fail my daughters as wonderfully as my mother did me with secret dreams; and they don't listen to me and be who they are meant to be :)
Here's wishing you clarity........when the time is right and you are ready :)
Much love!
K2
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